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LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Loafing and spelunking and other mood swings.

March 3rd, 2007 (08:28 pm)
lazy

current mood: lazy

Okay, so today I sent in a few pictures to Lavender magazine and Pi, the new dyke bar, because they're looking for local women to photoshoot. Weee. Not that I think I'm all fine like that, but because how cool would it be to see myself in my favorite magazine? Sure, it's local, but it gets around, you know? And Pi, well. I don't know really what that project is about, but they are looking for models as well, so I figured what the hell. So.

I am chilly. Boiling up some water right now for hot chocolate. *shivers* I love Swiss Miss in the winter. Fuckabuncha Punxatawny Phil not seeing his damn shadow a month ago. Minnesota just got dumped by a ton of fucken snow. Practically closed down the whole state. Pawlenty even called in the National Guard. Aye aye aye.

Early spring, my ass.

Speaking of which. I'm terribly moody and menstrual and crampy and shit. And, maybe it's because I've been feeling so bloated, but I feel like I've put on a good 5 lbs. since I quit working. Or, maybe I really have put on the weight, and being in my miserable menstrual state and telling myself it's just water retention could be a sick way of being optimistic. LOL

Don't get me wrong. I simply adore being a loaf and lounging around the house on the daily and not worrying about money and knowing bills are paid and not dashing off to work in this frigid weather. I take luxy hot baths and I've been reading more and spending tons of time with Tabby and when I get stir crazy and need to get out of the house, I go on shopping sprees and come home with lots of new pretty things and clean and decorate my apartment and that usually takes care of it. *squeek*

I suppose 5 lbs. isn't much to pay for this. =) It's like shopping. If I can afford it, why not? *snickers*

But, I am a bit achey for the spring again. As soon as the snow melts, I'm looking forward to riding my bike up to Lake Calhoun and walking around the lakes. The May Day Festival down at Powderhorn. Sunshine. Breezy days. Jeans and sweater weather rather than bundle up and clench every muscle in my body weather. *whimpers*

I'm such a baby about cold.

And, I am looking forward to going back to work again. I want to go visit Tabby this month and when I get back, begin looking around at which restaraunt I will choose to grace my employment with. *smirk*

Which reminds me. I went to the Steve Madden store in MOA last week and checked out their selection of "Jills", and they only had brown and blue in. They had been shipped in the fall. *rolls eyes* Sure, they were on clearance for $20, but totally not my colors. So, I will have to wait for the spring shipment, which will also have a selection of the "waterskis" and end up paying the $35 - 40 prices. *sigh* What a girl won't do for her favorite slip sandals!

Anyhoodle. I'm bored now with my thoughts and I'd rather go spelunking around the internet. I'm on the lookout for a good Mah Jongg game to download, perhaps purchase if it's worth it, and settle in for a good mind tickle. =)

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Feverish thought process - not very active waves splashing around in my brain tonight!

February 9th, 2007 (07:46 pm)
sick

current mood: sick

Ohhh, being sick is wretched and pitiful. My sinuses are killing me and my poor pretty face feels like to burst from behind my eyes and nose. *whimpers*

The highlight of my day today though was running a hot, hot bath and sitting in the tub for almost an hour, watching my Laguna Beach Season One DVD. Heh. I lazed around in the tub, washing my hair, just soaking in hot water. It was delightful, until I got back out into my cold apartment and started alternating between shivering and holding my burning achey head.

Well, what happened this week? Not much. The Bears lost SBXLI. =(

KC got her report card in the mail finally. =) All A's and B's again. *struts* I'm such the proud mama!

KC's dad bunked out on me. *rolls eyes* Well, that figgers. I had talked to him on Wednesday and he was going to take me out on Thursday to do some shopping and stuff. He even called back later Wednesday evening to confirm and let me know he'd be calling me the next day. Well, Thursday came and went and nothing. Bastard didn't call or come by or anything. Aye! So, there goes that.

Anyways. Then, KC and I both got sick, and so for the last two days we've been laying around the apartment being miserable. Earlier today, we got some food from the deli downstairs, because I didn't EVEN want to cook, so. Tonight, when we got hungry again, she wanted ice cream, and I figured we're sick. When we're feeling this shitty, and ice cream is going to make her feel better, then she's going to get some ice cream. So I went down and bought her some Mint Chocolate Chip and I got a bag of salty popcorn. Nice dinner, eh?

So anyways. I'm outtie. Just don't feel like thinking too much right now. My head hurts. =\

*whimpers* *whines* *tear* *sniffle*


AHHHH choo choo choo choo. *squeek*

Actually, that's a pretty accurate textual representation of how I sneeze. LOL

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Digging around in the thought bag, here's what I found.

February 4th, 2007 (10:31 am)
thoughtful

current mood: thoughtful

Well shit. It's been a long time since I've written in here, but I suppose I've been avoiding it a little. *sigh*

Here, I've got all the time in the world, but I haven't really been trying to dig too deep into the thought bag. Anyhoo, I haven't been working since I quit the job. I love it. I love being financially secure enough to be able to take a couple of months off work and be okay.

I suppose once spring comes and it's warmer here in Minnesota, I'll get a little stir crazy and get the urge to get out and be productive, but right now, it's freezing out and I'm happy being a little mole holed up in my cozy little apartment being a homebody. =)

Things are going pretty well for me right now. I'm super proud of my babygirl. She's doing great in school and is happy with her friends and her music (baby daddy FINALLY brought her electric guitar over that he promised her for Christmas. Better late than never, I suppose!). I'm just happy about the person she's becoming as she grows up. She's just got the biggest heart in the whole wide world. She tells me sometimes about the kids at her school. I guess she considers herself one of the "nerds" because she's at the top of her classes and stuff, but I think she's happy with that. She likes being admired for her smarts instead of her attitude or reputation, like some of the other "popular kids", as she puts it. hehe. I adore that she has that in her.

She told me the other day about one of the other girls in her class who is "out". She is "like you, mom" and has a girlfriend. She said that some of the kids in her classes tease the girl and don't act real friendly to her, so sometimes, when the girl is alone, she will go and keep her company and try to befriend her. I just love that about her! She doesn't like other kids to feel lonely or rejected and always tries to be inclusive of everyone. She has such an open mind and a big heart. I told her how proud I am of her and that the girl in her class was admirable for being who she really is and not hiding her feelings. She seems to really understand how brave the girl is for being out and chancing the rejection of her peers. In reality, the girl will probably grow up happier for allowing herself the opportunities of affection from who she really desires it from, rather than hiding behind facades and conformity.

I suppose that's what kind of person she will grow up to be, having a gay mother. She hasn't ever really shown any hard feelings about me being out, although I'm sure she's had her moments. Especially with her having spent time with Grams. My moms always did have a much harder time accepting it. She tries to act all free spirited and shit, but for years after coming out, she would try to get me to meet the men she worked with, or point out who she thought was a good looking man and ask me what I thought of him. She would question me, "are you sure? Maybe, are you bisexual?" (blech @ bisexual!) But, I think after not really seeing me with a long term girlfriend gave her hope. Now, I've been with Tabby for two and one half years and it's finally started to sink in. LOL It was like before, she would know I was going out on dates with women or out to the gay bar for drag king shows, and she would roll her eyes and I think sit back and wait for this to pass. Now, she actually asks about Tabby and how she's doing, says things like, "you must really be in love with that woman, huh?" Well, yes, moms.

Speaking of my little lover... Things have been better lately. *cringes* I have some trust issues with her, which are completely understandable to me. Considering she's lied to me so much and kept things from me. I know some people roll their eyes at me and think I'm a fool for taking her back all the time. That hurts me because I dislike people's pity and discernment. I know that I judge myself too, at times. But, then again I think about us and I feel how important we are. To us, we are everything.

We have gone through a lot in our two and a half years. We've done a lot of shit with and to each other. There's been a bit of lying, cheating, deceit, abuse among other things. But, there's also been so much good things between us. She is my best friend. We're so close. We have so much fun together. Nobody in my life has made me laugh harder or made me so happy, aside from my daughter. I feel like she fulfills my family and my being. I've needed her all those years I was lonely and alone. Sometimes, I feel so quenched by her love and it's everything I need and want. That's when I'm the happiest.

But then again, it hurts to be betrayed by anybody, but when it's your best friend and lover, it hurts so much. Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting over the initial hurt and anger, but it hits me. When I'm reading over old LJ entries, or our old MySpace blogs, or emails, or just thinking back about certain times. I remember things being said or arguments we've had. And, it hits me again. The old hindsight thing. If only I knew then what I know now. I feel foolish and gullible. I feel angry again knowing things she said to me, like the nerve! I get mad because it's so hypocritical.

Sometimes, I get pessimistic and think, well, now I do know. What do I do with that? Give her another chance on the possibility that one day I'll look back at this time and think, "but you did know then what you didn't know before"? Errrrr! No. I love her. I want to be with her and give her a chance to change. She is so convincing. I know that she really does love me. She fucks up and does stupid things, but shit, I guess I do too. I'm not naive. I know what I put my heart into. Maybe I once was, and I have been gullible, easily deceived. But, like it's said, it takes two people to make a lie. One to lie and one to believe.

Well, it's also been said that belief and truth are not synonymous. Belief is the faith in something without actual proof. Truth is fact. I believe in her love. I believe that she has good intentions. I believe that her heart is all mine. I might have issues with her truth and honesty at times, but I do believe in her.

In the end, it's not her actions that hurt me that much, but the deception. I mean, acting a fool and flirting with girls on the internet isn't what's going to break us up. That's minuscule in comparison to the life she gives to me everyday. Yes, it fucken bothers me, and girls can be catty as fuck and throw shit in my face, but they're just simple faces online while I know that I'm the real person. I'm the real woman she loves in life and that's what matters. While there is no justification, there are degrees. So.

She frustrates me to all hell sometimes, but I do fucking love her. <3

She makes me laugh. I love that. =) Speaking of which, today is Superbowl Sunday. I LOVE IT! *claps* Even though she's rooting for the Colts. LOL She's so cute though. Trying to get into football because she knows I'm such a fan. One time, we were watching a game together, and she's curled up in my lap, trying to follow. I often take time to explain to her the rules and the haps. Why they made this or that call, etc. Well, this day, she says thoughtfully, "Lover? Why do they call it a third down conversation? I thought they were called huddles?"

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo

Oh, my little honAy. I laughed so hard. It was so adorable. She was all inquisitive and serious. She thought they were just trying to be polite and call it something more appropriate. I explained to her that it said on the screen "conVERSION" not conversation. A huddle is still a huddle, but they are trying to convert yards into another first down. LOL

You see. Those are the little cute moments that I adore between us. The little stories that happen in a snap during any given day. We have millions of those. Giggle fits. Long nights of laying in bed in the darkness telling our stories and dreaming of our forever. Embarassing ourselves in front of each other and laughing at each other.

Anyhoot. I'm excited about the game tonight. *claps* I'm SO rooting for the Bears. NFC North! wo0t! Although, I know people feel sympathy for Tony Dungy and think he deserves it more, I disagree. I liked watching him coach the Buccs back in the day, and admire his style, and of course feel for his loss last year (his son was found dead by apparent suicide), but the way I'm rooting is the Bears!

Lovie Smith is a good coach and I liked him even back when he was a defensive coach for the Rams. Here, in three years with the Bears, he's led them to a place they haven't been since 1986. While, I'm not completely confident in Rex Grossman, I am hopefull that they can pull it off. Besides, Urlacher sure deserves it!

I know, I've been a lackluster fan this season. Could be because of all the changes in the Vikings franchise, or because of personal life changes. I don't know. But, while I'm still a die hard Vikings fan, I give my cheers to the NFC North. Being a Vikings fan, I've often criticized NFC North teams, but in all fairness, the Bears have done good this year. Hear, hear!

Now, if you're confused about who you're going to give your hurrahs for, here's a little linky dink from http://www.superbowl.com that may help you decide. http://playoffs.nfl.com/bandwagon/index.asp?entry=sbcompromogif
*snickers* It's just a little funny, but it's all good fun. Enjoy and watch the game tonight! Even if you're just in it for the commercials. =P

Now, I'm outtie. I got some relaxing in a hot tub to do. =)

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Oh Happy Joyous Day!

December 22nd, 2006 (12:30 pm)
jubilant

current mood: jubilant
current song: Mint Condition - Someone to Love

Today is Friday. It's the last LAST Fin-a-fucken-ly day of my milking the clock at this bonehead job.

Hm....

This month has been slipping by so fast. =\

LMFAO @ Pie and I's drunken antics. We crack me up so much. *shakes head* Anyhoot. I have so much fun with her. Laughing and making dorks of ourselves. And, then thinking back afterwards and laughing some more. =)

I can't wait to be laughing with her next week. OMG @ "next week". It's been a fucken EVER........ and now it's next week!!! *squeek*

>=) Our sex is going to be so fucking hot. I'm anticipating it so!!! It always is fucking hot, but heh. *keeps mum*

Anywizzle........

Yesterday, the ants around here had their little festive holiday pot luck type day. Every ant from this floor brought food and goodies and crock pots with homemade eats. I was hungover from Tabby and I's night of phone buzzing and forgot about the eats, so I had brought in Arby's. Anyway, I was headachy and didn't want to be here long, so I just huddled in my cubicle and ate my giant RB sam and 4 potato cakes. LOL @ yeah, I know, I'm like a bottomless pit after beer.

But, so I felt like the grinch, sitting atop my mountain listening to the little Whovillers milling around with their Christmas spirit.

Oh well. I hate ants, but I'm no grinch. I LOVE Christmas!!!! *claps*

I can't wait to see KC Monday morning... I'm excited to give her presents and stuff. =)

Hm.... what else?

I don't know right now. Anyway. I got a few things I gotta finish up before I jet out of here with a purse full of office supplies in a while. So.

Audi.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

"happiness I've known proves that it's right..."

December 20th, 2006 (12:07 pm)
calm

current mood: calm
current song: Johnny Cash on bolt.com

video:Johnny Cash - I walk the line
by rogerg2


I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Hump Day Babbalonious.

December 20th, 2006 (10:04 am)
chipper

current mood: chipper
current song: Janis Joplin - Me & Bobby McGee

"Freedom's just another word
for nothing left to lose
I'm nothing, I mean nothing honey
if it ain't free
you know feeling good ain't easy
or else nobody'd sing the blues
but feeling good was good enough for me
good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.
"

(boo @ discrepancies in Janis lyrics, but this is what I hear, so!)

*whew* I have finally finished all of my Christmas shopping. =) Yesterday, I finally went and bought KC's cell phone and signed up for the plan, so. My little 12 year old daughter is going wireless. Aye aye aye. They grow up so fucking fast. *shakes head*

Speaking of my little progeny, she got her midterm report in the mail the other day. 5 A's and 2 B+'s. *beams proudly* I can't say it enough... I am such the proud moms.

Even though she's not getting the electric guitar (from me, anyway), I think she will be pleasantly surprised with her Christmas. I haven't been able to get ahold of her father to see if he actually went to get the guitar yet, but hopefully he will come through with that. *crosses eyes, fingers and toes* On top of the other smaller scale (I know, right!) gifts she's getting, I am still trying to win the Justin Timberlake / Pink concert tickets on the radio. But, hell. Fuck if I'mma pay $200 for that concert. I do love me some Justin though, but no.

Speaking of Justin...

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA @ Victoria's Secret fashion show last night on tv. Justin Timberlake singing live while Gisele Bundchen catwalks. Holy fucking wow. =) That was bombdiggity shiznit. *nods emphatically*

*ahem* Moving right along...

In 7 days I'm leaving. In 9, I will be in Moncton!!! *squeek* I am so excited!!! It's been 4.5 long months since I've seen my little lover. Besides, I owe her a few spanks that have accumulated. *keeps my Pimp hand strong*

Bahahahhaaaaaaaaaa. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm jk, babe.

Anyfuck, I'm going to go eat my strawberry yogurt breakfast and nurse my Pepsi. Maybe get some shit done around this damn office before I leave for good in 2 days. *claps*

Oh, if that ain't motivation, I don't know what is. =)

Laters.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Premature Holiday Weekend Funage.

December 18th, 2006 (12:02 pm)
full

current mood: full

So, KC and I went up North to visit with Moms this weekend. It was okay. I got to watch KC drive my moms car down the old dirt road. Holy fuck, it's a fucking sight to watch my little baby girl, 12 years old, driving a car!!!! It gave my belly knots and clenched my toes and I held my breath the whole time. I can't believe how quickly she has grown up. Seems like just a little while ago, my moms was teaching me and my sister how to drive those roads. I remember how excited I would get to get behind the wheel. Shit, time does fly.

Anylala, we over gluttoned on the turkey dinner. Opened gifts, lit up the tree, those kind of family things you do on Christmas. It felt kind of funny to be doing it so early, but such is the case. We're not a strict traditional family type anyway, so. Flexibility is key. *nods*

Instead, KC and I will be spending Christmas just her and I. I can't wait. Just me and my baby in our own little place with our own little tree and our own little presents and my own Christmas dinner and everything. I am finally my own grown woman. =) My family. <3

On a much more yowchier note... I had my finger slammed into a car door last night. Holy fucking snot... that shit hurt. I think I screamed loud enough for the whole block to turn their heads and find out what happened. Here, I was sitting there clutching my little pink mittened finger and holding back a tear. All the nerve endings in my little finger were throbbing for hours after.

My poor little brain kept envisioning a black finger, dead, nail falling off, bruised and rotted and grody... but, luckily, my finger and the nail are saved. The throbbing subsided and the injury was minimal. A small sliver of chip on the side of the nail that I can fix with a few swipes of an emery board, and I'm good to go. *whew*

I could probably use a whole new mani anyways, so. Tonight, I'll add that on to my list of things to do after my hot bath ritual. Maybe I'll go with that dark blue that I bought last week. Jeez, it sure did look lighter in the store. But, oh well, it's cute. =)

*claps* fer YAY!!! This is my last week at this stupid job. I can't wait to say sayonara to these stupid ants and their stupid paperwork and those stupid assaulting file cabinets for ever! I will gladly turn in my badge and walk out these stupid ING doors forever. =)

Good riddance!

And then my vacation begins. Christmas weekend with KC. Then off on the bus to be whisked (at snail speed, mind you! 54 hours to be exact) away to Tabby's. I can't wait. I sure do love that one. *sigh*

Anyhoot, I'mma skeedaddle. Still shopping and planning and flirting (with Lover) and cleaning and self-luxuriating and pampering and such to be done. And, I've only got 2 weeks left of the year to get it done.

(oh yeah, and fuck you, 32, peeking around the corner at me!) LOL

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Oh yeah.

December 13th, 2006 (10:48 am)
ditzy

current mood: ditzy
current song: Justin Timberlake - Still on my brain

I totally forgot that I was going to post this on Monday, but I got distracted and I forgot. Sorry. It must have been all of those tasty morsels of Tabby thoughts that got me all afluster. =)

But, anywhatever, this is fucken hilarious. Read:

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"



Meanwhile...

I went and did some more shopping yesterday. =) I got another something for Tabby, and she's going nuts wondering what it is. The only thing she knows for sure is that it's by Perry Ellis and I bought it at Macy's. Which, by the way, she teased me for shopping there, because I'm so gay and shit and Macy's sounds like the name of some high end upscale department store. I said, yes, baby, it is and be happy that your flambouyant girlfriend with good shopping sense bought you a present from there and threw down some coinage on it, so don't knock, or you ain't gonna get it! LOL

I also did a tiny little eensy weensy splurge on me and bought myself a hot little pair of Steve Madden sunglasses. *loves!* They're rose colored! Ah, nod to the old Donna Karan's! ♥ I had missed them so and hadn't since bought another rose colored pair that I adored, but then I found these Steve's just begging me to take them home, so.

I partook. =)

Today, I've got to go grocery shopping. Aye aye aye! Friday morning, KC and I leave for up North to visit with Moms and she'll be coming back for a night, so I've got to have good foods in the fridge. I'll probably also spend tonight and tomorrow night cleaning like a maniac again.

Shit, I've also got to get to Pepitos for salsa and chili con queso and the head shop (no, I'm not a fucking pothead, that's disgusting!) since they sell the best sticks of Nag Champa incense that Moms loves.

Ish, an ant just came over with a project for me. *hates* I suppose I better go get this shit done so I can better spend my work time flirting it up with Tabby when she wakes her sweet little heiney up and comes to love me up. I love it when she smothers me with her adoration. ♥

Oh, I just love her! *claps* We've been getting so excited for our visit coming up and she's been very clingy. We sit on the phone every night until we fall asleep. The other night she fell asleep before me, and I was just listening to her breathe (it's so fucking cute) and I told her softly that I was going to hang up now and let her sleep, but she woke up real quick and whined nooooooo, I must stay! So, I did, and I listened to her fall asleep again. And, sometimes, she talks in her sleep and she's said the funniest things! LOL @ "the monkeys want to be your friend..." Well, anyway, on this night, she fell asleep and was breathing all heavy and then she mumbled, all dreamily, "oh Celeste! I just want to snuggle you so close forever..."

OMG I about died!!!!! She was saying a few other things in her sleep too, but this just tickled so!

Aye aye aye! I've been distracted by giddy thoughts of Lover yet again. Off I go to work on this dang project. I shall call it "Finding needles in a haystack" Project. I hate it. Hate hate hate! Fucking shitty fuck fuck hate!!!

Grrrrrr.

Toodle oooh.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Just one little girl with big thoughts and bigger emotions.

December 11th, 2006 (01:45 pm)
touched

current mood: touched
current song: Play N Skillz f. Pitbull - Get Freaky!!!!

'Tis a jolly season. The season of perpetual hope and family and coming together and joy and all that shit. I do love it. I love the lights and the festivity and the merriment and the shopping.

Oh, the shopping. =D I've been a shopping fool. No kidding. But, I've got the duckets, so fuck it. =)

How my sweet little woogie is going to love me up after she gets done with my presents! *snickers* I've shopped thoughtfully and carefully, and remembered things that I know she wants and would like. I sure did have fun teasing her though... the way she guesses and goes nutty wanting to know RIGHT NOW what kind of "pooprises" I got for her.

Plus, it was so fucking adorable the way she came home from her shopping trip and promptly called me while she showed her moms all the gifts she bought for me and wrapped them up and felt all proud that she had pooprises for me too.

I can't wait to see her again. OMG I've been getting more and more excited every day!

*pause* ......shhh. *listens* ....*eyes dart everywhere* ......*holds breath* ...*heart pounds*

Hm........Okay, I got scared for a second, but I think I deflected the boogie man. I'm trying. *holds little silver Peace angel*

Okay, so anyways.

I'm so excited to even get ON the bus. That wretched long bus ride. But, as numb as my ass gets, stiff my muscles, bored, loopy, etc. I know that it will take me to my baby. It's like riding the rainbow to the pot of gold. *loves*

I love that this is our third New Years together. *clings* I might be missing actual Christmas with her and the family, but she does what she can to include me. How touched was I (lol @ the little h0mie is being touched) when she called me so that I could feel included when they decorated their tree? She wanted to feel close to me while doing a family orientated activity. I didn't want to be presumptious and thank her for it, so I kind of held tongue, but she was the one who brought it up to me, thanking me for listening to her unwrap and hang little ornaments and such. Here, I was all tight up in the chest wanting to thank her for letting me be a part of it! lol

I know that sometimes we, as lovers, act foolish and close our eyes when love is already blind, but we have five senses, you know? I know within me, without seeing it, without hearing it, without tasting or smelling or touching it, that we are so in love. I know that Tabby and I have allowed ourselves to be confined within our sense of touch or sight, being long distance. It's hard as fuck, and sometimes we ache and long for each other so much we forget to feel it with those other senses. But, the most imperative end result of every last discussion or argument or lash out is that we still love.

And, holy fuck. I damn sure do love her.

*deep breath, SnarlyKat, deep breath*

In other cute newsly areas... KC is having her Christmas dance this Thursday. We went to the Mall of America on Saturday and she picked out a most precious dress for it. I love it. She feels so pretty and dressed up and grown. It's so adorable. Plus, she's feeling so great about herself with her academics and extra curricular activities. I don't know where she got the drive, but she's got it! LOL @ neither her dad or I did much. I played sports like a maniac, but that's it. Her dad, HA! But, this one... she's taking guitar lessons, is on Yearbook staff, does community volunteer services, has a weekly Native Youth group, and just recently has been invited to join a peer leadership group. On top of all that, she still manages to pull A-Honor Roll grades and loves her classes. Her favorite teacher and class is Advanced Math. All this, and only 7th grade! Wow. I'm not only the most impressed and proudest moms ever, but I can't wait to see what her future holds. =)

*proud Mama sigh*

Okay, so speaking of NASD files, I'm feenin' for a smiggy like a mutha fucka. I gots to go.

Happy Trails bitches. Tabby and Celeste live to love another day. *smirk*

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Instincts are always right.

December 1st, 2006 (10:02 am)
exhausted

current mood: exhausted

I knew something was happening. I had that gut feeling, and when I felt it, I tried to ask her about it, and what did she do? She made me feel guilty about it. She acted all hurt and shit like OMG how could I assume that she would have the time to do anything aside from taking care of her moms? How dare I even think that she would have the time or the heart or the mind to do anything but? But, apparently, all along, she had it.

She's been doing it for weeks. *dies* Lying to me. Acting hurt as if I've insulted her just by the very thought that she would be ...anything less than trustworthy. I fucking knew it. I felt it. And, here I've been feeling all fucking guilty and sick inside because I had anger and resentments towards her. I didn't want to give her extra stress during this time, more than what I had done when I was drunk and having temper tantrums.

I was like, omg, what kind of person breaks up with her girlfriend when her moms is in the hospital? So, I let shit slide. Even feeling uncomfortable, I made the effort to be civil and talk with her. Everytime I heard her voice though, all I wanted to do was cry. I felt hurt but I didn't really know why?

So, I tried to feel indifferent and when she hurt my feelings, I tried to suck it up and not whine about it. Day after day, I felt cast aside, umimportant, unworthy, as if my problems and cares didn't matter.

Oh, and now I come to find out that Amanda's saying that Tabby's tried to call her. Like, since she's been with Jenna. *dies* Fuck if I'm ever gonna fucken believe Tabby again. She's lied too many times. I know Amanda is a fucken liar but Tabby is too.

fuck, gotta finish this later.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

"when I start to build my future she's the main component"

November 30th, 2006 (09:36 pm)

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Yays & Boos & Miscellaneous clamor.

November 29th, 2006 (10:52 am)
amused

current mood: amused
current song: Lloyd Banks - I'm So Fly

Boo @ ants and their perpetual phony hellos and half-hearted head nods in the hallways. As if I don't know that they don't know who the fuck I am, or much less care. To them, I'm just another ant in the hallway working toward the weekend. (and, of course, vice versa)

And, especially boo @ flirty boy ant who works in the cafeteria. Going out of his way to be friendly and smile at me, like, "hey girl" *head nod* and nonsense. It bothers me because the way he looks at me makes me feel like he thinks I'm cute or something, and I don't feel cute at all, and it makes me self conscious.

Yay @ payday coming and having nothing to do with my money but spend the fuck out of it. =) Yesterday, I got off work and went to Deja Vu. Ha. No, not the nudie bar on Washington Ave. I went to see the Denzel Washington movie at Block E. It was alright. It was no Martin Scorsese's The Departed, but nonetheless, I was entertained for a couple of good hours. I had read a couple of reviews beforehand, and wasn't expecting to be wooed with cinematic spectacularness, but it was better than the review made it seem.

Boo @ subzero temperatures creeping in. My fingers have already started their creaky aching cries of pain and it has barely even begun. We haven't had so much as a flurry day in Minneapolis yet, and already my spine is clenching. Oh, this is going to be a rough winter on my body. Maybe I should stop after work and buy myself new mittens and a pretty fluffy scarf to make me feel better.

Yay @ that. =)

Yay @ ANTM tonight.

Boo @ the twins won't be in the top 3 together (with Caridee).

Yay @ 17 more days left of this job. While the illimitable piles of paperwork seem to drown me, I am aware of a vague feeling of light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, I can find something next January in the restaraunt business again and be done with finger slaughtering and tip chipping (aka filing)for good. Then, I can fill my days with school, food and mothering. That would be gratifying!

Yay @ Tom and Katie's baby, Suri, is the most adorable beautiful little baby girl since KC was 7 months old! Like I told Lover last night, I don't think either Tom (furry brows and gonzo honker) or Katie (mousy) are that good looking, but they sure have produced an "awwwwwwwww" worthy girl. I only just saw pics of her from their wedding last weekend, so.

Yay @ Petey Pablo's Freek-a-leek, just because this song made me in a better mood for a minute.

Yay @ Moms-in-law seems to be on the higher road toward health and stability, but Boo within a yay @ F-I-L being such an assholio. I mean it when I say I want to punch him in the guts. >=|

Yay @ Tabby and I just figured out that it's down to the 4 week countdown until my visit to Moncton. *claps* And, extra yayness for Tabby agreeing to pay my ticket from Bangor to Moncton and buying it ahead of time so I don't have to worry about it.

Yay @ I'm going for a smiggy break now, so. Tata.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Spazidazzle.

November 24th, 2006 (11:50 am)
curious

current mood: curious
current song: Nelly Fans Radio on Launchcast <3



Holy shnikes stress. Moms is here, and she's staying another night. *rolls eyes* I know that she's only doing it to conform to Trina's crazy antics, and her real intentions aren't because she wants to spend time with KC and I. But, w h a t e v e r !

Indifference is my new thing. It lifts a hella lot of weight off my shoulders and anxiety levels, and really, it doesn't affect anybody else, since my care doesn't matter anyways.

I figger... I'mma work on the shit I gotta, get my To Do's out of my way and keep reminding myself of this new outlook. So. *shrugs off* Moms can sneak on my phone and call Trina, I don't care. She can stay another night and hectify her life to fit Trina's stupid plans, I don't care. Trina can change her plans a million and three times, it doesn't affect me in the least, so... I don't care. And, I can apply it to all pertaining areas in my life.

This is care. This is my care.

Anyhoo. This morning riding the bus to work was a hoot. I guess the city busses are on holiday schedule today still. Day after Thanksgiving and all. *shrug* But, all the seats that are usually taken by intelligent working class were today available for stinky shmucks, bumbling boozers, googly gimps and the like.

Simpletons are funny to listen to when they ramble. There was a woman who would chatter away with anyone who made eye contact with her.

It almost made me wish that my mind wasn't so complex. Always thinking about 2938427329473 things and possibilities and what ifs and things I gotta do and worries and responsibilities and everything. Jeez... if only for one day, I could just be like, "der..."

YaY for the beginning of Holidazzle tonight. I can hardly wait to see it with KC this year. I was thinking about going for the opening tonight, since moms is here in town, but I don't know. Last night, after being gluttonous and busting a gut, I don't feel like feigning another night of entertainment. It might be too much. LOL

Oh, but hallelujah. It's Black Friday. About fucking time. Now, the official season has begun. *claps*

I think everything goes fast foward pretty much from here to mid-January. *waits for someone to push the button*

ooooooooooooooh, I'm outtie.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Oh hectic days...

November 22nd, 2006 (12:07 pm)
anxious

current mood: anxious
current song: Baby Bash - Baby I'm Back

So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Wooptie doo doo. I'm going out of my mind nutty and anxiety levels are through the roof. Aye aye aye!

Moms is coming down tomorrow. She's been telling me all of her drama about what's been going on with Trina, and sometimes, I get into it, like OMG, wtf now? But, honestly, I don't really want to hear about it. Seriously, I feel like I lost my sister years ago, and listening to her inane dramatics just irritates me. Boo. Besides, it pisses me off the way she cons moms and moms falls for it, and I try to give her a fair word of warning, but fuck 'em. Let those two have each other and cling to each others drama and
theatrics. I used to fall for Trinas bullshit, but this last year and allowing her to be in my life (after years of being stubborn and ignoring her) has only reminded me of why I secluded myself from her in the first place.

Besides, its bad enough that I've opened myself up again to moms bullshit after trying to get away from her for so long. *rolls eyes*

Anyways. Moms is coming tomorrow. Its the first time she'll be seeing KC and I's apartment, and after all the shit she talked last spring about me, I'm hell bent on making a good impression. I know, she shouldn't be worth my effort, but damn it, that's the way it is. *shrug*

*belly grumbles*

Hm.... I'm hungry. I have a little bit of a guilty conscience from gaffling 3 cans of pop from the office fridge yesterday. *ponders* Nope, it's gone now. I'm gonna go get something to eat.

*jets*

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

*tilts head*

November 16th, 2006 (05:53 pm)
intimidated

current mood: Misunderstanding

Hm............................

I wonder about some shit. But, that's okay. Sunlight always uncovers the shade. *nods*





And, here I've been wondering why I've felt so...... uncomfortable.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Watch this mood swing happen right in front of your eyes.

November 16th, 2006 (11:31 am)
exhausted

current mood: Bored as fuck
current song: The Isley Brothers - Choosey Lover

I'm am totally loving this Launchcast radio station I've become addicted to in the last week. It's a "New Edition Fans" station, playing all this old skool r&b like Tony, Toni, Tone!, Guy, Aaron Hall, Troop, Mint Condition, not to mention all the solo faves from NE guys Ralph, Johnny, Bobby and BBD. Brings me back to the days... playing in the neighborhood, me and my sister and our girlie friends, and the h0mie boys who would come over and hang out until the street lights came on.

*snicker pause* LOL @ Honcho complaining to one of the new ants about some other ant who, "can talk so much that she turns a 5 minute conversation into an hour..." Oh, what a ho0t. Hello, kettle, my name is pot. Yeaaaaaaaaaah, right.

Anyways..... downtown is starting to look cute. They're beginning to put up the christmas decorations on Nicollet Mall. Oh, I can't wait until it's time for Holidazzle. *claps*

I think the school situation threw me into a funk for a moment, but I'm beginning to crawl out of it. I had a momentary fit, took it out on Tabby and KC, felt guilt, reflected on why I acted like such a tyrant, and now I think I'm climbing back up the hill. I'm overwhelmed and sometimes I just feel so unappreciated, but I love my little family and I'm sorry that I hurt their feelings. =\

On the other hand, Moms and Trina can kiss my hieney.

Anyways, how can I be in a funk when shopping season begins NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!! *squeek* I've already got such good ideas for what I'm getting KC and Lover for christmas. =) I even got a couple of good little somethings picked out for Dragon Lady.

As for myself, I just can't wait to get on the bus and be on my way to kiss those beautiful lips I adore. *melts* Another 54 hours on the bus... *groans* and then BACK again. In the winter even! *whimpers* But, I tell ya, my girlfriend is worth it. I can't wait to snuggle her and be with her and fuck like bunnies and laugh and have good times and just love each other up. ♥

Plus, I'm going to punch my father-in-law in his guts. *nods*

lol okay, so I'm joking, but if you knew him, you'd want to too. *makes googly eyes his way when he's not lookin*

Oh, I almost forgot. The ants are having a pot luck tomorrow. And, they've been planning it for weeks. And there's a sign up sheet. And, as an afterthought, oh, do I want to sign up and bring something?????????

FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if. No, I don't want to join your little ant colony and eat at your stupid little picnic. Nobody thought to include me until today and I'm just a fucking office temp and my paychecks aren't signed by your stupid corporate Ant CEO so don't take your fucking ant pity on me and try to make me feel like I'm welcome because none of you ant bitches ever make me welcome any other day of the week. So, go eat your damn food together like the stupid insignificant ants you are and always will be. I'll have nothing to do with that, thank you!

Hmph.

I better shut the fuck up before I bust out a bazooka from my purse and become a disgruntled office temp.

Anyways......... I'm bored. I've been here a while now and I'm missing Lover and I'm hating filing more and more piles of papers and shuffling them and being sliced and finger-slaughtered by manila folders and just..... *whimpers*

Oh, btw, being in this new cubicle that I was shlumped into when the two new ants came apparently gives everyone permission to walk into my space whenever they please without word of "excuse me" or "hi there" or anything, just poke around in my drawers, cupboards, throw your top secret meaningless papers into the shredding machine... WHATever. I hate this job.

Poo. My mood is worsening the longer I stay here today.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Imelda Marcos would be proud!

November 13th, 2006 (01:44 pm)
satisfied

current mood: satisfied

So, since I've got a countdown now and though its still quite a few weeks, I'm getting excited and anticipating an unforgettable week with Pie. ♥

My little lover requests new shoes on my feet, with which to seduce and ignite her libido. *grawls* I believe she intends to relive her shoe fetish scenario, since she's already so enamoured with my feet and quite liked the experience of my bitch boots. hehe So, I have been doing some looking around. So, keeping in mind that Lovers' sexual fantasies are my motivation, a few selections. =)

These are from http://www.stevemadden.com LOVES these!Collapse )

Hm... an interesting selection from http://www.givenchy.com hehe For my dominatrix Mami mood! LOLCollapse )

Oh fer cute. *claps* From XOXO via http://www.shoes.com I heart theseCollapse )

Okay, and just because honAy would love the novelty of these puppies! From Playboy. LOLCollapse )

Okay, enough of that. I'm falling in love over and over again, and it's hard to concentrate on the task at hand. LOL

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Skrinkles and skrod... tee hee hee!!!!

November 10th, 2006 (12:10 pm)
ditzy

current mood: ditzy
current song: Al B. Sure! - Rescue Me

(If you know who Michael Alig is, you know what that means and more importantly, that it means anything, everything and nothing.)

But anyhoo, hooray for a James St. James appearance on ANTM. *claps* He's absolutely charming. =) Which reminds me, I must pester Lover about reading Disco Bloodbath again. Maybe I'll stocking stuffer it to her and then she'll at least have it on hand to pick up when she's bored. I know, as flaming gay and flambouyant as she and I are, she would love it. <3

*snickers* @ I'm listening to New Edition Fans Radio on Launchcast... and Klymaxx "Meeting in the Ladies Room" just came on. Ohhhhhhhh, *claps* I remember when this song came out! I'm SO old!!!! Hahahahaha!

Anyhoo............. I'm pissed off about a situation with the school. *grumbles*

Oh....... but look what I just found! *claps* JSJ and ParisCollapse )

*sigh* So today is Friday. I'm so happy for the weekend. Vikings v. Packers on Sunday. Wo0t. I finally found a pair of pants that my so particular daughter will wear to school. Grrr @ uniforms! (....I can hear it now, Lover, "I wonder where she gets her finicky from, dear!!!") I've decided to visit moms a week earlier in Dec. than planned. That way, KC and I will have Christmas to ourselves, in Minneapolis, together. YaY. It's what she wants, and I very much do too. I can't wait. =)

Which reminds me... only 4 weeks to bonus time, hooray. And, 7 weeks to BooKins NYE Reunion 2006-07! YaY! This will be Tabby and I's third NYE celebration together. I like beginning the year with her each year. Which reminds me of how much I love and adore and MISS kissing her. *longing sigh*

My woogie is going through such a tough time right now. *be's thinking of her all day long* <3 I'm always with you, love. ♥

Hm........... I think I'mma leave the antfarm now. Ta.



=)

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

From the Blue state of Minnesota!

November 8th, 2006 (12:44 pm)
satisfied

current mood: satisfied
current song: Boyz II Men

I damn sure did vote yesterday! I hope all of my American h0mies ran out and did the same. YaY for living in a blue state and conforming Reds to Blues!
Yay for the United States of America voting for change!

wo0t.

Oh, the winds of change...

Anyhoo. Yeah, so I voted yesterday. I also filled out some of the old FASFA for school. I'm so fucking excited to go back to school. In fact, today after work, I'm heading there to get my student ID and my PIN so I can register for my classes tomorrow! *claps* YaY!

I guess you could say I voted Democrat in the mid-term elections, and I went Independent in the Celestial vote.

Oh, brand new me. I'm going to like this new era of freshness. I'm quite looking forward to being this new girl. The old mantra, "What am I if I'm not Her girlfriend?" is over. Here's that girl. And, guess what? She's going to do just fine. =)

As far as being "blue" over it? No. I've been heartbroken before. Regret is a waste of time. Feeling sorry for myself or her is just emotion better spent being happy for my here and now.

I KNOW that I am a good mother, a good girlfriend, a generous loving loyal person. I have good qualities in me that can and will be appreciated and not taken for granted. Maybe emotions fuck me up in the head sometimes, and maybe I can be an "idiot" sometimes. But, overall, this girl right here has a core that hasn't been reached. My foundation is solid.

*whispers to self* Keep it up, girl. I can pep talk myself through any hard times. I have a wealth of posotive words and just as many affirmations that didn't come from Xena.

How about we start with Dory? "Just keep swimming... just keep swimming... just keep swimming..." Yes, that will do quite nicely for today.

LunaTicDyke [userpic]

Supersonic motivating rhymes are creating...

November 7th, 2006 (11:05 am)
crazy

current mood: smug

"Now all you supersonic people try to bite our rhyme
You may think that you are def, but you're so behind!!!
You better listen good to what we have to say
cuz when it comes to JJ Fad, you can't GET NO PLAY!"

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